The Exchange Page 3

  I felt like it was only after Angie and Deidra’s breakup that I got to know who Angie really was beyond her sexual abilities. I learned why she loved women the way she did. Growing up, Angie had idolized her father, and from him she had learned the treasures of a woman. She had observed, and later mimicked, the way in which her father freely showered her mother with affection. He complimented her mother’s every new outfit and hairstyle. He praised her cooking, helped with cleaning, and pampered her with sporadic visits to the spa for massages and manicures. His eyes would light up when her mother walked into a room, whether she had just awoken and entered the kitchen, disheveled and sleepy-eyed, or had spent hours doing her hair and makeup before an evening of fine dining. He ensured that Angie’s mom never had to work too hard and still made sure all her needs were met. Angie had taken note of her father’s silent and overt gestures of adoration and had pledged to show her woman the same appreciation.

  Angie had said she couldn’t figure out why she had been unable to maintain a relationship with a woman who welcomed such devotion. When Angie explained her father’s history of loving and how it had influenced her, my thoughts temporarily betrayed me and I wondered, had I taken the time to learn about Angie in the past, would our future have been different? Could we have been more than just friends with benefits? Could my present be with her and not Asia? I had to shake off those thoughts. Although I wanted to be the support Angie needed, I couldn’t allow her breakup to break into my thought processes in a destructive way. I had to regain the control I had so easily begun to lose.

  “Hey,” Angie said and slid into the booth opposite me.

  “Morning, Angie.” I looked at her empty hands. “Where’s your coffee?”

  “I was going to check and see what you wanted first, but I see you already got yours.” She seemed disappointed. I had cheated her, deprived her of the opportunity to do something for me. “Need anything else?” she asked, hopeful.

  “Sure. How about an order of hash browns?”

  Angie jumped back up. “Be right back.”

  She returned a few minutes later with a large coffee and two hash browns. “I didn’t know if maybe you wanted two,” she told me as she passed them to me.

  I recalled saying, “An order of hash browns,” as in one, but took them both graciously. “So how are you doing today?” I asked her.

  She sipped on her coffee and stared past me as she determined what the appropriate response should be. I used that moment of hesitation to take in her physical appearance. I remembered why I had been so attracted to her. She was still such a cutie. Angie had never been a girlie woman; I had never seen her in a dress and heels or with heavily applied makeup. She was, however, aware of her femininity and enhanced it with silver hoop earrings, light eyeliner, and fitted jeans. Across from me, she had on a snug pair of dark jeans and a black T-shirt with a cream-colored thermal top underneath. She had allowed her normally short, curly hair to grow out over the past few years and wore it smoothed back in a long ponytail. Her skin had aged ever so slightly, and only when she smiled did the gentle crinkles around the corners of her eyes reveal that she was nearing her fortieth birthday.

  “I’m doing just fine,” Angie finally announced.

  “What’s the temperature like at home?” I asked, considering that Angie and Deidra had another week of living together before Deidra moved out.

  “I haven’t seen much of her. I’ve been taking on extra work orders, trying to stay away from the house. She seems to be working a lot too, and when I hear her come in at night, it’s well past midnight.” Angie stared off again. “I don’t know what’s keeping her out so late.”

  Angie and I had already discussed whether she thought Deidra had already found companionship in someone else. As well known as Angie was in the lesbian community, we thought that if Deidra was indeed involved with someone new, it would have gotten back to Angie. But to our knowledge, Deidra didn’t have anyone else. If she did, she kept it top secret and out of Angie’s eyeshot and earshot.

  “She’s probably just trying to stay away too.”

  “Right,” Angie agreed, though her tone hinted at uncertainty.

  “I’m actually surprised you’re not working today. Isn’t that one of your staples? Being available twenty-four-seven? I thought for sure you’d get some early morning hours in.”

  Angie smiled genuinely. “I thought I’d spend the day with you,” she told me.

  My eyebrows crinkled. “What? All day?”

  “Yeah. There’s a small-business owners’ conference at the Omni Hotel. It’s the last day, and there are a couple sessions I registered to attend. I hoped you’d join me.”

  I was confused. Why did Angie think I would be open to spending my entire Sunday with her? She hadn’t even asked if I had plans, but had just assumed I would clear my calendar to spend more time with her. “Angie, no, I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  “Oh, do you and Asia have plans already?” Her tone suggested she was confident that we didn’t.

  I groaned on the inside. Asia was out on her usual day off, making what looked like one of her final visits with an ailing patient. That was part of the reason I had agreed to meet Angie versus sleep in comfortably next to Asia. I didn’t know how long Asia would be unavailable, and sadly, whenever she did return home, we had no plans. It was likely that we would spend another Sunday evening indoors watching a rented movie or catching up on the remaining string of reality shows we had recorded on DVR during the week. If I went with Angie to the conference, surely I would be home by early evening and would have the rest of the night with Asia. I supposed it wouldn’t be a big deal to attend with her.

  “What time are the sessions?” I asked Angie.

  Angie grinned behind her Styrofoam cup, an obvious indication that she was pleased I had considered her offer.

  “Noon and two o’clock.”

  “Okay. Let me text Asia and let her know.”

  Angie waited while I sent a short message to Asia: Headed to the Omni Hotel with Angie. I hit the back button to correct that. Headed to a small-business conference at the Omni with Angie. She needs company. See you later.

  “Should I drive?” Angie asked. “Then we don’t have to look for and pay for two parking spots.”

  I wished I had an explanation for the unexpected uneasiness I felt about riding in Angie’s car. I felt silly for being uncomfortable and even sillier that I acted as if she were some random stranger I had just picked up in McDonald’s, like it was a nightclub. She was Angie, my friend of ten years, so what was there to be fidgety about? I grabbed my purse.

  “Sure, I’ll ride with you.”

  We left with our half-filled cups and got inside Angie’s luxury sedan. I hadn’t been inside Angie’s new Porsche Panamera, an upgrade from the Lexus she had driven when we dated. The smell was strangely familiar, a mixture of Angie’s signature perfume and coconut-scented car freshener.

  We rode quietly, and not surprisingly, we listened to a CD of contemporary jazz. That was all I had ever known Angie to play in her car, and in her bedroom too. It was relaxing and seductive, just like Angie’s natural aura and charm. Suddenly I became shyly aware of her presence and took a long gulp of coffee to swallow the rising tickle from my belly. Angie brought forth a feeling of excitement and newness I hadn’t known in quite some time. Although I knew Angie sexually, having learned about her on a deeper emotional level, combined with the physical closeness, was surprisingly thrilling. I sighed inside. That wasn’t the type of stimulation I had hoped for in my life. I wanted it from Asia, but I got it with Angie.

  “So what’s going on with you, Kyla? We’ve been talking incessantly about me, and that’s not my style. Talk to me about you. What’s on your mind?”

  I was not going to tell Angie my thoughts at that moment. Not because I felt she would be dismayed by my straying thoughts. I already recognized the yearning in her eyes when she looked at me. She didn’t attempt to conceal her desire. I didn’t
tell her, because an admission of such thoughts would betray Asia and feed into Angie’s energy. I questioned my actions and myself. How had I become so quickly tempted to surrender to my feelings for Angie? It had been only a little over a week since she and Deidra broke up, and only then did she and I begin to relate on another level. However, for an entire year I had been craving some relief from boredom. Next to Angie, bored I was not. Still, I was not prepared to give in to rationalizing unfaithfulness, so I talked about the only subject that would set Angie and me straight.

  “Asia and I are doing great,” I told her, even though she had asked only about me. “Work is going really well for both of us.”

  “That’s good,” Angie responded as she took a turn onto the freeway and headed downtown. “I’ve noticed you don’t work quite the long hours you used to,” she added.

  “No, not so much.”

  “That must be nice. Now you have time to do more things together.”

  “True.”

  “Hey, did you two check out that play that was here recently?” Angie was referring to a soulful musical, one that Asia and I had heard about on the radio but had opted not to attend.

  “No, we didn’t go.”

  “Have you seen Leonardo DiCaprio’s latest movie? I heard it’s really good.”

  I looked out the window. “No, we haven’t seen it.”

  She tried again. “I bet you’ve checked out the latest exhibit at the art museum. I know how much you love museums.”

  My stomach cringed. I knew of the exhibit, though I had not made the effort to go. So much of my and Asia’s “free” time was spent catching up on household chores, like laundry, and tending to necessities, such as car servicing and grocery shopping. Or we simply relaxed after busy workdays, mostly vegging in front of the television.

  “Nope, we haven’t been to the museum.”

  “Damn, you two sound like me and Deidra toward the end . . . not doing anything together.”

  Her words were a verbal slap. How dare she insinuate that my and Asia’s relationship was showing signs of impending demise? Maybe I was just extra sensitive about the fact that someone else had noticed its lackluster state.

  “We are not like you and Deidra,” I insisted, irritated by Angie’s suggestion.

  Her right hand met my left thigh. She rubbed it. I liked it. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to upset you. It’s just that the Kyla I know likes to have fun. You’ve always known how to have a good time.”

  “All that fun I used to have wasn’t always good for me,” I reminded her, even though fun was exactly what I craved.

  Angie nodded and removed her hand. We rode silently the rest of the way to the hotel. Angie had to catch herself when she headed over to open my car door for me. She was the only woman I had ever permitted to do such a kind gesture for me on some of our dates, and though I had always told her I was capable of opening doors and exiting on my own, she had insisted. I opened my door just as she was rounding the back end of the car to do it for me.

  “Oh, right,” she said, but she still grabbed the handle before I could and closed the door behind me.

  “You sure we’re dressed okay for this?” I eyed her weekend attire and my own pair of jeans.

  “Yeah, it’s a casual thing.”

  She was right. Inside we were greeted by men and women dressed in a similar fashion making their way to various small conference rooms. Angie signed in at the registration table and picked up the guide that identified the sessions and room numbers. We entered a room to hear a lecture offering guidance to CEOs of one-man businesses and took a seat in the back row. Angie pulled a small notepad and pen from the leather hip bag around her waist. She jotted down a few pointers while the speaker shared tools for time management. I half listened, my mind mostly focused on the way Angie’s knee tilted outward when she leaned forward to write and how it had rested gently against my knee. I assumed that the move was accidental, and though it was innocent enough, the denim-to-denim touch felt like fire. I readjusted myself, crossing my leg so that it pointed in the opposite direction. Angie noticed and shook her head at me with a playful smirk. I was grateful when the hour-long session concluded.

  “I really appreciate you coming with me,” Angie stated as we roamed the busy hotel and waited for the next session.

  “No problem. I just want to make sure you’re all right.” We stopped outside the hotel gift shop. “You seem to be okay,” I added.

  “There’s nothing I can do to change the situation. If Deidra wants to leave, Deidra can leave. I won’t beg anybody to be with me. I’m just glad I still have you.” Angie grinned and then walked inside the shop.

  We perused the trinkets inside the shop, especially the key chains, mugs, and postcards adorned with images of some of Atlanta’s famous and historic sites, including the Georgia Aquarium, Centennial Olympic Park, and the Martin Luther King, Jr., National Historic Site. As I held a postcard with a picture of Stone Mountain, Angie positioned herself behind me, so close that her hips and thighs touched the back of my jeans.

  “That’s cute,” she said as she admired the scenic view on the postcard I held. Her hand rested on my shoulder, and her index finger subtly caressed my neck.

  I exhaled. This had to stop.

  “Angie.” I turned around. Her face was so close: only two inches separated her lips from mine. She looked into my eyes, down to my lips, and back up to my eyes. I smelled the cinnamon gum she chewed, and felt the warmth of her breath on my mouth. My lips tingled.

  “Angie,” I whispered again. I needed to tell her to back up, to stop with her subtle flirtations, and to respect my place in her life as a friend and only a friend. If only I didn’t like the way it felt.

  “Angie!”

  Angie and I, alarmed, jumped back from one another.

  “Deidra.” Angie’s tone was flat, but angry.

  Just outside the gift shop stood Deidra and Sanford, one of the stylists in her beauty shop. In their arms were boxes of hair tools and accessories. I swiftly recalled a radio commercial I had heard while we drove to the Omni. A commercial that advertised a local hair show that weekend at none other than the hotel in which we stood.

  My face burned. I could only imagine how Angie and I must have appeared in their eyes. Friends that were exes—one of them fresh out of a breakup—standing so close and perhaps moments away from a kiss. No one said a word. Angie sneered at Deidra while I awaited Deidra’s next move. She looked at Sanford.

  “See?” she said to him. “This is why.”

  Sanford uttered a sassy “Humph” before hustling Deidra away.

  “Unbelievable,” Angie finally said.

  “Please tell me you didn’t know she’d be here.” I prayed she hadn’t placed us purposely in a location where we would be seen by Deidra. Why would she?

  “Of course I didn’t. We haven’t said one word to each other in over a week. I don’t know where she’s at.”

  “You know this doesn’t look good.” I returned the postcard to the twirling stand and caught sight of the security camera in the corner above us. I was exposed. Had it seen what I felt?

  “What? We’re two friends standing in a gift shop, looking at a postcard. What’s so wrong with that?” Angie asked, a weak attempt at innocence.

  “You did say friends, right?”

  “I did.”

  “So you know that’s what we are, then?” Truly, I had geared this question toward both of us. I didn’t tell her I had begun to feel more than friendship for her again.

  “I know we’re friends, Kyla.”

  “Then what’s up with all this? All this . . . all this closeness.”

  “I was just looking at the picture with you.”

  “Stop playing dumb, Angie. I see it all over your face.”

  Angie crossed her arms over her chest. Her expression was perplexed. “You see what?”

  Oh, shit. Had I imagined the desire in her eyes? Had I mistaken her words for something other
than friendly gratitude? Was it only me, and not Angie, who felt that our connection had begun to deepen beyond friendship? I was embarrassed. My chest warmed, and heat flushed my cheeks.

  Before I could respond, Angie broke into laughter. “God, Kyla, you’re still so easy.” She grabbed me by the elbow, led me out of the store, and reached for her keys. I nervously looked around for Deidra.

  “Let’s go. It’s okay if I miss the other session.”

  I didn’t argue with her, only followed her out of the hotel. She spoke again as we approached her car.

  “You don’t have to keep reminding me that we’re friends.”

  “I don’t?” I asked sarcastically.

  “No, trust me, I know we’re friends, Kyla, and really, I truly appreciate you supporting me since the breakup. I’m sorry if I’m making you feel some kind of way. It’s not fair.” Angie paused while we got in the car. “But I can’t lie,” she continued after we drove out of the hotel parking lot. “I’ve never fully gotten over you. When we broke up—”

  “We were never together, Angie,” I said, correcting her.

  “Really? It’s like that?” Her tone was edgy. “Okay, well, when you ended whatever we had, I let you go because that’s what you wanted. It’s not what I wanted. Yeah, I know I entertained other women, but none of them were any competition to you. All these years we’ve been friends have been easy and hard. Easy because I was happy to at least have you back in my life in some way. Hard because I know how much you love Asia.”

  “What about you and Deidra? Didn’t you love her?”

  “Sure I did,” she answered casually. “Deidra was what I needed when I needed it. I gave her every symbol of love I could. A place to live, vacations, jewelry, a luxury car to drive, and it was all from the heart. But did I love her the way I should have? No. There was never a moment during our relationship when I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I was okay with the end, whenever it came.”