The Exchange Read online

  “So what about the crying episode at my house? What was that about?”

  She was amused. “My tears were unexpected. I think it was the wine. You know I don’t drink that shit.”

  “That’s not a good excuse,” I told her. “What was that about? You had me and Asia thinking you were really hurt by the breakup. But from the looks of things, it’s almost like you wanted to break up, anyway.”

  “On the real, losing the relationship had me scared.”

  “Why?”

  “Straight up?”

  “Of course.”

  “I was scared I would lose you. I sat there talking about Deidra with you and Asia, and it hit me that I didn’t know if that would be the last time I’d see you. If the breakup would be the end of me and you.”

  “There was no me and you,” I told her again.

  “The end of seeing you,” she said, clarifying. “I didn’t know if Asia would still be okay with us kicking it without Deidra around. It’s one thing for all of us to double-date, but to kick it with me as a third wheel or without her at all . . . I didn’t know if she would trip on me and you, with our past and all.”

  “She has known about our past all this time and hasn’t had a problem.”

  “The difference is I had a woman then.”

  “So that’s how you felt at the house? That’s what prompted all those tears?”

  Angie sucked in her next breath. “Yes,” she confessed and exhaled.

  “And now?”

  “Now I need you. Like I said, I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Angie, whatever you’re looking for from me, I can’t fill that role,” I said in an attempt to convince us both.

  “You say that right now, and that’s cool. For now we can continue to be friends.”

  “Just friends?”

  “Yep. Like we’ve been all this time.”

  “That might be hard now that you’ve told me how you feel.” And given how you’re making me feel . . .

  “Seriously, all this time did you have any idea how I felt? I never let it show. I respected your relationship then, and aside from a few slips this week, I swear I’ll continue to respect your relationship going forward.”

  “Promise?”

  “Nope.” Angie laughed. “For real, though, you’ve never felt anything for me? You’ve never missed anything about us?” She took her eyes off the road to look at me. She licked her lips sensually, rolling her lips inward and sliding her tongue outward. The move was performed slowly, but it seemed to happen quickly. I felt the tickle in my belly again.

  “Just drive,” I advised her, while I avoided telling a lie and confessing the truth—that all I had been thinking about was her.

  Although we rode without words, everything inside me was the opposite. My feet twitched nervously and screamed at me to run from the situation. My thighs ached and yelled at me to keep them closed. My heart pounded loudly, which reminded me of the anxiety I felt as I sat next to Angie. And my brain shouted, What’s wrong with you? Stop being silly. You have a beautiful woman in your life. Stop being a fool. I tried to listen to each blaring warning, but most of my focus was on the way Angie’s hands glided across the steering wheel when she made a turn. The smoothness and slenderness of her fingers as she tapped against the leather to the beat of the soothing music. Those fingers used to perform magical and delicious tricks on my body in ways no one else had. Finally, I turned my head to the window, shut out visions of Angie, and turned up the volume on the screeching alarms ringing throughout my body.

  When we reached my car, I rushed to get out of hers. I had to get away from her.

  “What? No hug?” Angie asked after I opened my car door.

  “Angie, please don’t,” I begged. I was drawn to the memory of the last time I sat next to Angie in a car years ago, right after I ended our fling. Then, too, I was weak for her, but I had stayed strong. I attempted to gather my strength again.

  “Go on,” she said but got out of her car at the same time. We stood outside my car. “I won’t pressure you, Kyla. I swear, I won’t. It’s just that while I was with Deidra, I was able to hide the way I feel about you. Now that I don’t have her or anyone to distract me, all I can think about is you. Don’t leave me, though, okay? I really need you in my life.”

  “You’ve made this complicated, and I’m kind of mad at you for it. I wish you had just kept it to yourself.”

  She stepped forward, again coming closer than she should. I leaned on my car, angry with myself. I needed to push her away and tell her to get out of my face. That was what I should have done, regardless of her sensitive state. But I didn’t. Instead, I welcomed the contrasting heat from her body against the cool winter air.

  “I’ll be to you only what you want me to be,” she told me, her body pressed against mine. “If you say we’re just friends, I’ll stay in my lane. I’ve been backseat riding for years, and I can keep doing it.” Discreetly, she stroked my waist, and then she whispered in my ear. “But if ever you want me to drive, say the word and I’ll take you for a ride.”

  My cell phone rang. When I held the phone up, I saw Asia’s name appear on the screen.

  “I have to go now.”

  Angie stepped away, and I turned my back to her, got in my car, and drove off without looking back.

  Four

  Asia

  It had been a week that daily I either left a voice-mail message for Deidra or sent a text message to her with no reply. My respect level for Deidra had never been 100 percent, and with each day that she ignored me, it declined even further. The least she could do after years of friendship was return my call. Finally, on Sunday, just after I left one of the two patients I had kept on my schedule, she sent a text: We need to talk. Call me.

  “What’s up, Deidra? About time you responded back,” I scolded as soon as she answered the phone.

  “Wait. Hold on, Asia. I need some privacy.”

  Against the background noise I heard her rattle off directions to Sanford, whom I had met on a few occasions when Kyla and I met Deidra and Angie at the shop. His voice was an easily identifiable shrill. I then heard scuffles and shuffles and figured she must have left the room.

  “Okay, I’m back.”

  “So what’s going on, girl?”

  “Right now I’m about to get ready for a hair show. What’s up with you?” she inquired anxiously.

  “Same old stuff. I heard about the breakup with Angie.” I didn’t feel like small talk with her.

  “Is that right? I should have known. Who’d you hear it from?”

  “Kyla, of course. And Angie. She came over last week. Why didn’t you tell me about it?” I questioned. Surely, we hadn’t been the best of friends, but I still thought she would have confided in me that there had been a problem.

  “What’s there to tell? I fell out of love with her,” she explained, free of any hint of remorse.

  “It’s that easy for you, huh? Just casually tossing someone aside, like they don’t even matter?” Even though I was no longer upset about the ease with which she had ended the relationship I had with her, I knew I still sounded like it.

  “Okay, don’t get me wrong. It’s not as if I just woke up one day and realized I was unhappy and decided to leave. It was gradual. More and more, I felt like all Angie wanted to do was suck up my independence and leave me helpless to her.”

  “I don’t get that. From what I’ve seen, Angie has given you everything you’ve desired. Only now that she has got your shop up and running, she’s done too much?” Deidra’s selfishness was infuriating.

  “I don’t have to explain it to you, Asia. All I can say is our time is over.”

  “She was so heartbroken when she was over. She was crying and all.”

  “Yeah, whatever. Trust me, Angie’s all right,” Deidra replied.

  “You sure about that? When she left, I made sure Kyla walked her out to make sure she was calm enough to drive.”

  Deidra snorted. “
She did, huh? That’s exactly why Angie is all right. Did you watch those two from the window?”

  “What? Of course not. Why would I do that?”

  “Because you should be keeping an eye on them. We both should have been keeping an eye on them this whole time.” She paused. “Do you know where Kyla is now?”

  “I do. She’s with Angie at some conference at the Omni,” I told her confidently, recalling the text message Kyla had sent me earlier.

  “Mmm-hmm. I just ran into them in the hotel, and they looked more than cozy.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Let me just say they seemed very comfortable in each other’s presence. Trust me, Angie’s fine without me so long as she’s got Kyla.”

  “You know what, Deidra? I don’t know where this is coming from. I don’t know if you’re trying to get back at Angie for something or what, but keep Kyla out of it.”

  “How can I keep her out of it when she’s the reason for all of this? She’s always been the reason.”

  “The reason for what?”

  “Angie may have blessed me with everything I’ve ever wanted, but none of that matters if I’m not the one she really wanted. She’s suffocated me, trying to prove a love for me that wasn’t really meant for me.”

  “What are you suggesting?”

  “I think you’ll find out. Kyla will find out too. Angie isn’t who she presents herself to be. Look, Asia, I have to get back to work. Thanks for checking up on me. I appreciate it, but I’m just fine.” She paused a moment. “Me and you, we’re not Angie and Kyla, so I have a feeling we won’t be talking much more. I never really believed in that friends-who-are-exes shit, anyway. I did it for Angie because I was crazy about her and knew how much Kyla meant to her. But all of us hanging out, like that shit was normal? Please.”

  Deidra had a point there. Deidra had never been on my favorite persons’ list, but because I had accommodated Kyla’s friendship with Angie, I had welcomed both Angie and Deidra back into our lives. Did I agree with it? Not necessarily. It wasn’t because of Deidra. I didn’t give a shit about my dating relationship with her. My history with her was a forgettable, irrelevant part of my past. But it hadn’t always been the easiest to pretend that nothing had happened between Kyla and Angie. Whenever we were out, I couldn’t erase the knowledge I had of their past sexual interactions.

  “I hear you, Deidra, and I’m cool with that. I trust you’ll be well.”

  “Thank you.”

  I heard her footsteps once again, and the background noise resumed once she reentered the busy room.

  “All right, Asia,” she said. There really was nothing else to add. No “I’ll talk to you later” or “Call me back.”

  “Yep. Bye.”

  Angrily, I threw the phone onto the passenger seat. How dare she suggest any interaction between Kyla and Angie went beyond friendship? Regardless of their history, I had perceived them to be nothing but friends, and I hadn’t witnessed them being anything but that. I had assumed the attraction switch between the two of them had been turned off a long time ago. It had to be, since there was no way they would have been able to hide that. Not from me at least. I reached for my phone again and called Kyla.

  “Hey,” Kyla answered. I heard a car door close.

  “Hey, honey. I’m headed home.” I tried to sound casual. Her car started in the background. I was familiar with its low, feminine growl. “You still with Angie at the conference?”

  “No, just left her.”

  “Okay. How was it?”

  “It was all right,” she answered quickly, her voice a monotone.

  “Lots of people there?”

  “Seemed so.”

  I frowned. Her answers were too bland, too short. She was nervous.

  “Did Angie enjoy it? Learn anything?”

  “I think so. But . . .” She stopped.

  “But what?” I asked, prodding.

  “We didn’t stay for the second session.”

  “Oh no? Why is that?”

  She cleared her throat. “Angie said she didn’t want to.”

  “I see.” I waited. I wanted to see if she would mention Deidra.

  If she and Angie had run into Deidra, then she would tell me. She would tell me the story since it was fresh gossip. She would tell me about how she had been at the conference to support her heartbroken friend through a breakup, and lo and behold, who did they just happen to bump into in the midst of it all? Of course, she’d rush to tell me that story. But if she didn’t, there was something to hide, and she’d keep it to herself. Kyla remained silent, and I prayed her lack of words meant Deidra had invented the entire scenario.

  “So where was the conference again?”

  She didn’t answer right away. It was only half a second, but her silences were easily interpretable unspoken words.

  “Omni Hotel,” she finally answered. “So I’m headed home too. Want me to grab anything?”

  I was instantly pissed. “Really, Kyla?”

  “Really what?” She tried to sound confused.

  I sighed. “Did you run into Deidra today?”

  “Deidra?” she asked, as if she hadn’t heard me. Another giveaway. She was stalling.

  “Yes, Kyla. Deidra,” I repeated.

  “Um, yep, yes, we did. She was at the hotel for a hair show.”

  Shit. Exactly what I didn’t want to hear. Deidra had told the truth.

  “That’s interesting. So what happened?” I wished Kyla wouldn’t act dumb with me. We had been together too long to play silly, childish games.

  “Nothing. Nothing, really.”

  “Let me rephrase my question then. What were you doing when you saw her?”

  “Oh, I was in the gift shop.”

  “The gift shop. Okay, so I know where you were. What were you doing?” I stressed.

  She continued to speak in choppy sentences. “Looking at a postcard. I was looking at a postcard, and then I saw her. Her and Sanford.”

  “Did she say anything to you?”

  “No . . . no.” Her pitch was too high. She might not have been lying, but she certainly wasn’t being truthful.

  “So she saw you, you saw her, and she kept walking? Come on, Kyla, I know you know how to tell a story. You tell me stories about Erika every damn day. So what happened? What exactly were you doing when you saw Deidra?”

  She was quiet for a moment, and all I heard was the click of her blinker.

  “I was looking at a postcard, and—”

  I cut her off. “Where was Angie?”

  “She was in the gift shop too.”

  “Doing?”

  “I think she was looking at the postcard too.”

  She thought? Such a damn lie. She knew good and well if Angie looked at the postcard too. And even if she had, who cared? I didn’t think twice about shit like that. What concerned me was the reticent way in which she told the story. There was something she hadn’t shared.

  “What did Deidra say to you?”

  “Nothing to me.” She paused again. “She called Angie’s name, we looked up and saw her, and then she walked away.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yep, mmm-hmm, that’s it.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then we left.”

  They left after seeing Deidra. Because of guilt? Again, I waited. Everything she hadn’t said and hadn’t asked seemed to support Deidra’s accusation. I wasn’t going to accept Deidra’s words wholeheartedly yet and fret that there was something other than friendship between Kyla and Angie. However, Kyla’s terse and matter-of-fact responses proved she was not being forthcoming. And she hadn’t even questioned why I specifically asked about Deidra. She had to know I already knew, yet she was too afraid to ask my purpose in bringing up the topic.

  A couple of facts Kyla knew about me were that I didn’t accept bullshit and I didn’t like being played like a fool. I had been patient with her while she wallowed in whatever had been on her mind for a ye
ar. If she wanted to choose Angie over me to resolve her problem, then her problem was about to become bigger than she had ever imagined.

  “I’ll see you at home.” I hung up before she could respond.

  Five

  Kyla

  I believed every person had four major life choices that would dictate the course of life for many years into the future: what college to attend, whether or not to have children, where to buy a house, and whom to marry and settle down with for life. At the opposite end of each decision was the path left unchosen, unseen, and unknown. Sure, we could change our mind later and go back to school, have a child in our forties, move to another city, or divorce our spouse, but the altered course had already been paved. Angie was the choice I had bypassed, and now I wanted to reconsider.

  If only we could all have a personal guardian angel at our side, one that hovered quietly in the background and ensured that we stayed true to the path that was meant for us. The angel wouldn’t interfere unless we veered from our pre-written story; the one that was meant for us and all those we encountered. Because if one person changed course, it would affect the lives of others in great ways and even in the slightest ways.

  I reflected on the Valentine’s Day party over eight years prior, when Asia and I bumped into Angie and Deidra. Had Asia and I opted to stay home, or had we chosen a different party, the four of us wouldn’t have rekindled our friendship. If I hadn’t been friends with Angie, I wouldn’t have known about their current breakup. The question was, how different would all of our lives have been had we not bumped into each other that critical night years ago? Were Angie and I meant to run into each other, interweave our lives for several years, and then find ourselves at a crossroads, uncertain if we should have been together all along? I couldn’t grasp the concept that Asia and I had spent all those years together, only to fall apart. I needed my guardian angel. I needed her to stop me from trying to find the right in what I knew was wrong.

  Incessant questions ran through my mind while I drove home, but one question in particular had an answer. Did I want to leave Asia for flighty feelings for Angie? That was all they were, right? The answer was no. I couldn’t allow my irresponsible response to Angie’s affections to cause confusion and controversy in my relationship with Asia. I reflected on the many short and bumpy road trips I had had with various women until I found my smooth, traffic-free highway: Asia. Even though I had driven toward a tempting exit with Angie, I had remained strapped in my seat and had stay on course. That was what I told myself.