Double Pleasure, Double Pain Read online

  By the time I reached high school and was old enough to understand, David had graduated with the legacy of having been the first male to bring a same-sex date to the prom. Needless to say, he and his date were immediately ejected after trying to dance to Atlantic Starr’s “Always.” And if you were wondering, David and his date both wore tuxedoes, but David admitted he would have preferred a sequined spaghetti-strapped number.

  Once home and preparing for bed, I remembered Steph’s coworkers and their reactions when they met me, and now it all made sense. I realized they must have thought I was her new girlfriend. For a brief second, I was irritated with her for putting me in that position. I mean, I didn’t want anybody thinking I was gay. But I guess that’s what you have to put up with once you decide to have a gay friend. And not being her friend didn’t even appeal to me.

  Still, I hoped breakfast wouldn’t be awkward the next morning. But why should it be? She was still the same person. Now I just knew that she preferred to sleep with women.

  “So what’s up with Dwayne? Or Dan? Or is it Damien?” I asked Tori Monday morning while we sat in the sauna.

  “Doug’s ass had to go bye-bye,” Tori replied. “Girl, let me tell you. We all know I’m not one to say no to a little adventure, right? So, since his fantasy is to become a porn star, we pulled out the camcorder over the weekend for some rehearsing while we were at his house, okay? We stood the tripod real high so the camera pointed directly at the bed to get everything. Girl, so we were going at it really good . . . I’m on top, he’s on top, can’t tell whose leg is whose, that’s how good the shit was! Afterward, I hopped in the shower and I thought he was out like a light. You know I wear ’em out like that, so I didn’t doubt that his fool ass was really asleep. But then I hear his nasty ass talking while I’m in the shower. So I leave the water running and crack the door open a little bit to listen. I saw that mothafucka on the phone grabbing his dick, talking about, ‘Yeah, I got another one for the collection, man.’”

  She stood up and grabbed her crotch and mimicked his ghetto voice.

  “I watched him take the tape out of the camera and put it in a box in his closet,” Tori continued. “When he got in the shower, girl, I grabbed that tape and left. Do you know he had even written my name on it? There were at least twenty other tapes. I was so pissed! I picked up his treasured camcorder and threw it out the window before I left. You know I would have had Sparky all up in his ass had I been at home!”

  Vanessa and I looked at one another, not knowing whether to laugh or sympathize with the girl.

  “He started hittin’ my cell phone up back-to-back when I was about two blocks away. I ignored it but I should have cussed his ass out! Girl, these men are a trip.” Tori sucked her teeth. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this shit!”

  I felt bad for her. Sometimes I didn’t know if Tori was happy with her one-night stands and meaningless relationships, or if it was all a front. I never knew her to admit that she wanted a boyfriend or even utter the word marriage. But I knew all that bed-hopping had to get tiring at times.

  “Hang in there, T,” Vanessa offered. “I’m sure Mr. Right will come along soon.”

  Tori looked at Vanessa like she was insulted. “Mr. Right? Girl, fuck Mr. Right! I don’t believe in that shit! I’ll settle for a Mr. Right Now who isn’t going to try to fuck me over! That’s all I’m asking for. I don’t believe in that forever shit. I’m not knocking your thing with Roger or Ky’s relationship with Jeff, but I don’t believe marriage is all it’s cracked up to be. First of all, over half of all marriages end up in divorce, so obviously that says something about the shit. Second, most relationships get boring as hell after a couple of years, anyway. I can’t imagine fifty years with the same man. That’s like eating the same shit for dinner every night. Eventually you get sick just by the smell of it.”

  I looked around to see if the new arrivals into the sauna had tuned into the delightful conversation we were having.

  Vanessa got defensive. “But what about the simple idea of being in love? Finding your soul mate? There’s a certain comfort in knowing there’s someone who thinks the world of you and would do anything to be next to you. For myself, there’s comfort knowing I’ll have someone to come home to every day. I can share all my feelings and experiences with one person only. I have someone to lean on when I need support and I have someone to hold me when I’m scared, or to encourage me in a new endeavor. And what about making a family and sharing the joys of parenting with someone? I find a lot of comfort knowing I’m going to spend the rest of my life with one person. It’s something I look forward to.”

  Tori rolled her eyes, a real bad habit of hers. “Girl, did you hear how many times you just said comfort? That’s my point. The shit gets too comfortable. Routine. Eventually it will be the same shit, just a different day.”

  Vanessa just shook her head at Tori. “Well, just make sure you’re in a bridesmaid dress at my wedding, celebrating my joy at beginning a new part of my life.”

  Tori calmed down. “You know I wish you and Roger all the happiness in the world, V. Maybe you’ll be one of those rare success stories. Knowing you and your determination, you and Roger will grow old together with about ten kids and fifty grandkids. You go ahead and do your thing, girl!”

  We all laughed. We were proof that the saying “birds of a feather flock together” doesn’t always apply. It was possible that Vanessa would stay married for the rest of her life, while Tori continued to freak all the men she could until her coochie got too old and wrinkled to handle it. But nothing would stop us all from being friends. Unless Tori were to try to freak Roger or Jeff, and that wasn’t a possibility.

  Tori always maintained a safe distance from the men that Vanessa and I dated. And she never would cross that line, because we all know it’s not hard to find a man. You can go to the mall and pick one out, just like picking out a new pair of shoes. But a true friend is harder to come by. And, anyway, who wants a man that’s been all used up by your friend? You know everything he’s doing to you, he’s done to her. I don’t understand women who ruin friendships over sexing the other one’s man. Pointless.

  “While we’re on the subject, how are the wedding plans coming?” I asked Vanessa.

  Vanessa closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath of air. “Oh, girls, I don’t even want to talk about it! You know how organized I am, so it’s really hard for me to allow so many other hands and opinions all up in this thing.” She started talking really fast. “Roger’s mom wants the wedding at her church, but my grandmother wants it at hers. And my mother suggested an outside wedding, since the weather will have just changed and a warm day might sneak in. Now you know I can’t go on a might, so outside is definitely not an option. I love my granny and all, but her church just isn’t big enough. So we may end up at his mother’s church, which will make her all too happy. We still haven’t decided on a place for the reception or whether or not to have a band or a DJ. We want to have the band “Underground,” but we also know some people may want to have some serious dancing going on with some hip-hop and R & B. I know it’s our day, but we want everyone to have fun at the same time. I just don’t know, I’m about to lose my mind,” she said, sounding completely distraught and out of breath.

  Whoa, I thought she didn’t want to talk about it? I didn’t say that, though.

  “You’re right, Vanessa. You’re going to go crazy if you try to please everybody. Do something that will be special for you and Roger for your wedding day. And if anyone doesn’t like it, that’s their problem.”

  “I know, Ky. But it’s hard because I don’t want to deal with the attitudes that may arise.”

  “From the sound of it, everyone isn’t going to be satisfied anyway, so you may as well go ahead and start making your own decisions. And while you’re at it, make sure my dress isn’t too low in the back, because I don’t want my birthmark to show.”

  She knew I was teasing her. “Whatever, Ky!”
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  “I have to get the hell up out of here,” Tori said as she wiped sweat from between her breasts. “It’s too goddamn hot.” We got up and headed to our lockers.

  “What did you do all weekend, with Jeff out of town?” Vanessa asked me.

  “Oh, umm . . . I hung out with Stephanie.” I grabbed my soap, washcloth, and towel and headed to the shower. I didn’t know why I suddenly felt uneasy talking about her. I must have walked away too quickly and answered too vaguely because they both followed me. They knew me too well.

  “So what did you do?” That was Tori.

  “Let’s see,” I said, pretending I couldn’t remember.

  “Saturday I went to a picnic with her, and Sunday she came by Gladyce’s for dinner. She brought her son along, and he and my dad had a great time playing basketball,” I turned on the shower.

  “You didn’t tell me she had a kid,” Tori said.

  “I haven’t said much about her at all,” I confessed. “But, yes, she has a nine-year-old boy.”

  “That’s cool. Is she trying to better herself by going to school?” Tori asked.

  I didn’t like her comment and I felt like I had to defend Steph.

  “She actually has a well-paying job now in HR. She didn’t get a chance to go to school when she was younger because of her son. Now he’s a little older and she has the opportunity to get her degree. I think it’s pretty admirable.”

  Vanessa agreed. “Hell yeah, it’s hard enough going to school at eighteen with no kids, no worries, and parents paying the tuition.”

  Vanessa, Tori, Roger, and Jeff all went to college straight out of high school and graduated in four years. Sometimes I felt like the outcast and wondered if the day would come when I would walk across the stage and hold up my degree after my name was called. I hoped I wouldn’t need a walking cane by the time that happened.

  Thank goodness, Tori changed the subject. I didn’t want to answer any questions about Steph just yet. “I thought we would do something a little different this Friday, girls. Instead of getting together at the restaurant, why don’t we go on the midnight moonlight cruise? The new radio station is sponsoring it, and I can get passes from a guy I know that does PR for the station.” Tori has all the connections from her restaurant patrons.

  “I’m up to it,” Vanessa said. “Roger will enjoy that.”

  “Sure, Jeff will like it too.” I realized I hadn’t thought about Jeff very much over the weekend. I missed his phone calls on Saturday, and he finally caught up with me last night on my way to sleep. I looked at my watch. Eight–ten A.M. He should be back in a couple of hours. I finished my speed shower and prepared to leave.

  “Hey, Ky, why don’t you ask your friend to come along? That is, if she can find a babysitter,” Tori said.

  I thought about it and couldn’t think of a valid reason not to ask her. I needed to get over the paranoia I suddenly felt.

  “Okay, I’ll ask her when I see her in class later,” I replied. “I’ll give you a call tonight. Bye, ladies.”

  I blew them a kiss, left the shower and dressed quickly. In the car I applied a bit of my makeup while listening to the radio. The DJ asked the question of the morning and the first caller with the right answer would win a prize. The DJ asked what Gladys Knight song was the title-track song of a James Bond film. Because Gladyce (my Gladyce) was an avid Gladys Knight fan, I knew the answer. I didn’t usually call into radio stations for contests or to win tickets to the latest concert, out of fear of sounding silly on the radio, but hey, I was feeling pretty good this morning. I put my mascara away, turned my radio down and dialed the station number on my cell phone. The line was busy the first couple of times, but I got a ring on the third try.

  “Hot one-oh-four,” the DJ answered in a voice too sultry for this early in the morning.

  “Hi, I know the answer to your question,” I said nervously, not knowing if we were live on the air or not.

  “What’s your name, hon?”

  “Kyla.”

  “Okay, Kyla, what’s the song and movie of the same name that Gladys did for a James Bond flick?”

  “License to Kill,” I said loudly. I was excited now.

  “You got it, girl!”

  I surprised myself and let out an impulsive scream, stunned that I had any energy left after the draining sauna.

  The DJ laughed. “Here’s what we got for you, Kyla. Two movie theater gift certificates, a twelve-pack of cola and a Hot one-oh-four T-shirt! And we’ll enter your name and qualify you for an all-expense-paid trip for two to the Bahamas! The drawing will be held in two weeks. What do you think about that?”

  “Sounds great!”

  “Hang on the line, Kyla, and tell all of our listeners, who turns the most listeners into winners?”

  “Hot one-oh-four,” I said.

  I gave the DJ my name, address, and phone number and made arrangements to pick up my prizes later that day. I finished my makeup and drove to school with a smile on my face.

  In class, I was sitting at the table catching up on some reading I had failed to finish, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

  “Excuse me, ma’am,” I heard a voice say. “Can I have your autograph, please?”

  I turned around to find a grinning Stephanie holding an open notebook and a pen for me. I took them both from her and wrote, To my new friend. Looking forward to getting to know you better. She read what I wrote and I saw a hint of rose color her cheeks.

  She sat down next to me. “Hey, lucky winner. Congratulations.”

  “Please tell me I didn’t sound ridiculous. I don’t normally do that kind of stuff,” I said, somewhat embarrassed.

  “Whatever it takes, girl. There’s nothing wrong with free! Just let me know when you’re taking me to the movies,” she kidded.

  In class we talked about foster care and adoption.

  Mr. Jelenchick discussed several situations about the personality development of children who grow up in foster care. He also talked about the differences in children who were adopted as babies versus children adopted after the age of four. I wondered if Stephanie had considered giving Jaron up for adoption. I asked her at breakfast.

  “Oh, hell no! You heard what Mr. Jelenchick said, didn’t you?” she said with authority. “I didn’t have to take this class to know that my baby would be better off with me, his real mother, than with anyone else. Even though I was a teenager and got pregnant under horrible circumstances, I had to look at it from a different perspective. Everything, good or bad, happens for a reason. At the time we may not understand why it happened; maybe never. But Jaron didn’t ask to come here, and I know God brought him to me for a reason. I always knew he was my responsibility.”

  “That was a brave decision, Steph. I bet a lot of people in your situation would have been quick to go to the clinic,” I said before taking a bite of my spinach casserole.

  “I was in a rape counseling group while I was pregnant and that’s what so many of the women said to me. I didn’t meet one woman who said she would have kept the baby. Not one. They said it would have been a constant reminder of what happened to them. Even though I was young and about to start college, I saw the pregnancy as a blessing. I knew then that I probably wouldn’t get married, so I was happy to have a child.”

  I sat there and stared at her in pure admiration. I had my share of counseling friends and a few acquaintances through unexpected pregnancies and abortions. Of my two best friends, it was Vanessa that got pregnant our senior year of high school. She had begun dating a young man who’d just moved to town from Mississippi. We’d all heard how chivalrous Southern men were, and this guy was no exception. He was polite, well-spoken, and always called Vanessa’s parents sir and ma’am. He opened our car doors when we went on joy rides and treated all of us to the movies.

  Since Vanessa’s first sexual experience at fifteen was anything but pleasant, she kept her legs closed tight for two years. But this man was super-smooth, so she gave up the goods af
ter two months. And two months after that she was pregnant. Even though we all were concerned about Vanessa’s future, we were confident Mr. Nice Guy would marry her and support the child they conceived together. He turned out to be Mr. Too Good to Be True because you would have thought Vanessa had the plague after she told him about the pregnancy. He avoided her at school, dodged her phone calls, and acted like she simply didn’t exist anymore. Vanessa’s parents didn’t know about the pregnancy, and we weren’t wise enough to tell his parents and hope they would make the man be a man. Instead, we hustled our fast-food paychecks together and went to the clinic. That was one of the most traumatic experiences we’ve been through together.

  I suddenly remembered Tori’s invitation to Steph on Friday.

  “Remember I told you that my friends and I all get together on Friday nights?” I asked. “Well, this week we’re going on the midnight cruise, and I was wondering if you want to come along. Actually, Tori suggested it this morning.”

  “Sure, that sounds like a good time,” she said.

  “Good. You can meet everybody.” I hesitated before asking my next question. “Do you, uh, have someone you’d like to bring?”

  “Uh, no,” she said, mimicking me. “For the hundredth time, I’m not seeing anyone right now. I have a couple of friends, but no one I consider dating material. Will Jeff be there?”

  “Oh yes, he’ll be there. You won’t feel left out, will you?”

  “I’m a big girl. I think I can handle socializing among the heterosexuals. I’ve been doing it forever.”

  My cell phone rang right in the middle of my mouthful of grits. I checked the caller ID and it was Jeff. For some reason, I debated on whether or not to answer the phone. Steph looked at me with an are-you-going-to-answer-it look. I swallowed my food and pressed the green talk button.

  “Hello,” I answered.

  “Hey, darling, I’m back!” Jeff exclaimed.

  “Welcome home. You had a safe drive?”

  “Yes, there was hardly any traffic so I hit the gas all the way,” Jeff said.